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Google's Space Datacenters: Are They Smoking Crack?
Google wants to put datacenters in space. I read that, and I swear, I had to check my calendar to make sure it wasn't April Fool's Day. Seriously? Space?
Project Suncatcher: A "Moonshot" or a Shot in the Dark?
They're calling it "Project Suncatcher," a "research moonshot." Let's be real. Moonshots are for solving actual problems, not for chasing some sci-fi fantasy fueled by AI hype. The claim is that putting datacenters in orbit, powered by solar panels, will somehow be cheaper and more environmentally friendly than building them here on Earth. Okay, Google, give me a break. You can read more about the project in Meet Project Suncatcher, a research moonshot to scale machine learning compute in space.
First off, launching anything into space ain't exactly carbon-neutral. Sure, they're yakking about solar panels being "eight times more productive" up there. But what about the hundreds of tons of CO2 spewed out every time a rocket blasts off? And let's not forget the "significant engineering challenges" they casually mention, like "thermal management" and "on-orbit system reliability." Translation: Everything will probably break down constantly, and nobody knows how to fix it.
And then there's the cost. They claim that launch prices are "falling so quickly" that space datacenters will be cost-competitive by the mid-2030s. Right. Because tech companies never overestimate future cost savings. Remember Google Glass? Or the Metaverse? Yeah, thought so.
Astronomers vs. AI: The Ultimate Standoff
But the best part? The astronomers are already pissed. Apparently, these orbiting datacenters will be "like bugs on a windshield" when they're trying to look at the stars. So, let me get this straight: Google's grand plan to solve the AI compute problem involves ruining astronomy for everyone else? That's... genius?
Seriously, who signs off on this stuff? I can just imagine the pitch meeting: "Okay, team, we're going to build a giant, solar-powered AI brain in space, and it's going to block out the freaking stars!" And everyone just nods and says, "Sounds great, let's do it!"
It's like, they are so divorced from reality. My garbage disposal broke last week, and I spent three hours trying to unclog it. Maybe Google should focus on solving that problem before trying to conquer the final frontier.
Elon's Already On It (Of Course)
Of course, Elon Musk is already on board. He's planning to scale up his Starlink operation to include space-based datacenters. Because why not? If there's one thing the world needs, it's more stuff floating around in low Earth orbit.
And Nvidia's getting in on the act too. They're launching AI chips into space with some startup called Starcloud. Their co-founder claims that "the only cost on the environment will be on the launch," and that there will be "10 times carbon dioxide savings over the life of the datacentre." Um, what? Did they even think about the environmental impact of manufacturing those chips in the first place?
Google's launching two prototype satellites in early 2027 to test their hardware. Google plans to put datacentres in space to meet demand for AI, citing the growing demand for AI computing power. They're calling it a "first milestone towards a scalable space-based AI." I'm calling it a waste of money.